i dont wish that life is a box of chocolates. i dont like inconsistency, unpredictable things and cluelessness of tomorrow. i lived my life planned and schedule. not being OA like i planned for the month, but basically i plan my whole week. i have been like this since then, if my mental notebook would be seen it would show lots of things that i plan minute by minute. i study by excat hours, or i used to study.hahaha..anyway, these past few months of my life, i learned to live by expecting things. not living on my planned life but living as if im anticipitating all sorts. this is very good. from my last entry, i had some psych dilemma, now i know hot to deal with it. learn to ANTICIPATE and expect, so that when that happens, you wont be as wounded as it would when you least expected it....and up to know i still havnmt registered for my license..
Sunday, September 07, 2008
when i was in college and high school, i firmly believe that i can separate and keep my personal life and acdemics away from each other. i mean, whatever happens in my personal life, my acads would never get affected. separate life as they are, i thought i have been doing good dealing with them differently, until just recently, i experienced one interesting psychological mechanism. i had some problem with my love one just last week, its so painful but i chose to be understanding and forgiving on the other hand. i thought i dealt with it fine like how i deal with my other concerns, i admitted to myself that i got hurt, but being angry wont lead you to anything. so there i was, not mourning and being OA for that, going to work, taking calls, just being normal, just normal. and then the week went by, i started having palpitations with no apparent reason, started being nervous for no reason at all, getting restless without any reason and my QA scores failed....the QA asked me if i have any problems, i told her none, my TL asked me whats bothering me, i told here none, and then i came to realize that i might have one. i told her everything, i told anj, i might have exprienced repression, the conscious denila nd hiding of painful experiences, but i said, i was not aware that i have one nor did i deny and pain im feeling. so it was suppression, unconscious hiding of it, and then psychosomatization for my physical symptoms. i was dead scared!..so what i did, i drank!..got drunk!!..threw up and tried to deal with it normally!..the good thing is, im busy so i wont be stucked up with pain that i thought should not be there. im now okay. we are now okay. everything should turn out well already.