i dont wish that life is a box of chocolates. i dont like inconsistency, unpredictable things and cluelessness of tomorrow. i lived my life planned and schedule. not being OA like i planned for the month, but basically i plan my whole week. i have been like this since then, if my mental notebook would be seen it would show lots of things that i plan minute by minute. i study by excat hours, or i used to study.hahaha..anyway, these past few months of my life, i learned to live by expecting things. not living on my planned life but living as if im anticipitating all sorts. this is very good. from my last entry, i had some psych dilemma, now i know hot to deal with it. learn to ANTICIPATE and expect, so that when that happens, you wont be as wounded as it would when you least expected it....and up to know i still havnmt registered for my license..

how to deal?!

when i was in college and high school, i firmly believe that i can separate and keep my personal life and acdemics away from each other. i mean, whatever happens in my personal life, my acads would never get affected. separate life as they are, i thought i have been doing good dealing with them differently, until just recently, i experienced one interesting psychological mechanism. i had some problem with my love one just last week, its so painful but i chose to be understanding and forgiving on the other hand. i thought i dealt with it fine like how i deal with my other concerns, i admitted to myself that i got hurt, but being angry wont lead you to anything. so there i was, not mourning and being OA for that, going to work, taking calls, just being normal, just normal. and then the week went by, i started having palpitations with no apparent reason, started being nervous for no reason at all, getting restless without any reason and my QA scores failed....the QA asked me if i have any problems, i told her none, my TL asked me whats bothering me, i told here none, and then i came to realize that i might have one. i told her everything, i told anj, i might have exprienced repression, the conscious denila nd hiding of painful experiences, but i said, i was not aware that i have one nor did i deny and pain im feeling. so it was suppression, unconscious hiding of it, and then psychosomatization for my physical symptoms. i was dead scared!..so what i did, i drank!..got drunk!!..threw up and tried to deal with it normally!..the good thing is, im busy so i wont be stucked up with pain that i thought should not be there. im now okay. we are now okay. everything should turn out well already.

stereotype

It was not too long ago when the mere idea of being a call center agent crossed my mind and was battled with the stereotype perception of the public about them. Actually, I wanted to be one just to collect plenty of clothes for partying and going out, also, I always thought that I look good or to make it less boastful I look decent with business attires. So I with Tin and Anj armed with lots of resumes went to Alabang to try our luck on being employed. I always thought that being one is just easy, you get hired, get orientated for some time and take in calls after, that your sole purpose is to answer calls and help the customers, you do this every night, be a vampire, miss the fun and get your generous salary after. But I was wrong! Completely wrong. Like all other jobs out there, you first need to undergo strict training before they send you to the floors, and that’s approximately 4-6 weeks of basic, specific and advance training, but the good things is you get paid even when you’re not taking in calls yet. So basically, you get paid while listening to the company’s policies on the first few weeks, but get trained with the graveyard shift while still training on the next weeks. The stereotyped CSR job is far from reality. Yes, unfortunately speaking, you just need your good communication skills and rapport without any educational background needed to be hired. Like what I see, people there are heterogeneous, from fresh graduates like us, to professionals, teachers, old experienced men and women, college undergraduates and so many more from different fields. So what are you waiting for??...Apply now..haha.. I’ll be more glad to refer you…lol.

lost writer

When was the last time you read the Sunday broadsheets? I came from a family of avid newspaper readers. My lolo would always have his daily news as he eats pandesal over a cup of coffee, criticizing the government and posting remarks and its implications to the nation. My uncles and dad brings those reading materials as they do number 2. I, on the other hand follows my favorite writers and columns as they write and talk about interest topics and life stories. My favorite Sunday broadsheet is the Philippine Star and the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Before we used to have only the Star delivered to us but due to my discontentment, I asked my mom to have the PDI delivered as well.
Today’s, June 8, 2008, news talked about different issues as usual but one issue keeps on being on everyone’s columns, the gay, same sex, homosexual and marriage cliché. So long have the world fought for the rights of different groups and so long have they appealed in the legal department of every nation to approve equality of rights. The California government just recently approved same sex marriage, Ellen and her girlfriend tied their knots already!! but the law making body is again making a petition to abolish it. I don’t care, I said. In one column that features letters of advice from readers, a letter from a soon to be married gay man ask if he has to tell his girlfriend about his true sexuality. The truth will set you free said the writer! It’s not the exact words but after how many paragraphs, it’s the bottom-line. Then there is this column about RULES inside the university campuses. One UP rep said, “over at UP….the very idea that we have rules is considered offensive to many students.” Instead of using the word “bawal” which is nowhere to be seen, they use the word “masama” instead. I dreamed of becoming a scholar, a UP student during my high school days and up until now wishes to continue medicine in UP but failed to utter any comments about this. In La Salle, rules are everywhere. In the De La Salle-Health Sciences Institute, where medicine, nursing, PT, midwifery and RT students spend their hospital bounded education, rules are every students identity. In the College of Nursing and Midwifery, ladies are required to have their hair made into a bun whenever they go the school, nails should be kept free from polishes and ears without earrings. Gentlemen are required to have their hair kept clean, earrings free from bling blings and white shoes polished everytime. Slippers like ipanema and havaianas were not allowed so as shorts, sandos and spag straps. Although these rules are to be followed strictly, most often than not, we find it entertaining not to follow. I remember wearing just my briefs instead of boxer shorts during our duty, comparing printed colored undies with my group mates while smacking each other’s butts. But rules are made to make distinctions from others. They were made for order and conformity of a community, thus making them responsible but sometimes rebellious. In those two broadsheets that I said, two different writers wrote in each columns why they blog. I almost thought that they are one. I’m still not sure, though, but I find it intriguing.
Newspapers are the window to reality. They give readers snapshots and headlines, the tip of an iceberg they always say, because the exciting part on an event is just what is featured, however the interesting part is still for you to uncover.

BUM

It was four years ago when I first stepped into college life, excited and anxious just like any other fresh high school grad I walked through the roads of La Salle, feeling its fresh air courtesy of the numerous big trees that sends a feeling of being a character in those koreanovelas where Autumn leaves fall and are scattered all over, unfortunate if you were hit by a falling branch causing minor injuries on your beloved hairdo, feeling deprived of the luxuries of being an upper year nursing student where they stay on air-conditioned classrooms and are exposed on the ambiance of the hospital setting all year round. Anyway, freshman year ended with very little discomfort and brain injury….toot toot toot toot……..3 years after here am I now, with a degree BSN, waiting for something that will dictate my future and a BUM!... But being active and can’t tolerate inactivity for such a long time, I decided to deviate from my line of career and try the call center world. Hahaha…. So am I ready??... I am not.. I lived my school life without having to commute to school and without suffering the hardships of getting into a jeepney or a bus, I learned to cross the highway when I went into college, I learned to commute very well on my first year but still unsure of my commuting skills up until now.. I often ask my mom for instructions about stuff, she got my birth certificate although I was the one who got my cedula and…and what else?..hahaha.. My resume does not have any job experience that I can be proud of, does not have any major company to be my credential… It is just a one-page description of my demographics and my educational background edited to fit a call center job instead of a nurse. Many people try so hard to get a job, I heard and I saw.. but I don’t know the reality. As they say, to see is to believe or should I say, to experience is to believe.

gucci gang

i read about DJ Montano and Brian Gorell's issue at the Inquirer last week....then last wednesday, my friend told me she slept late because she watched the GUCCI GANG at youtube...i made a mental note to search for it when i go home...

there are two different sides of the story...the blog http://www.delfindjmontano.blogspot.com/ , it's brian's expose about DJ and the gang is of course of brian's side..and the side of DJ who says the opposite of course..

its just amusing to see people make a fuss about them, Gucci gang.. so what if they pretend to be elites and socialites? They have the means and the connections. So what if theyre the mainstays of embassy?? (lol..yo emba!) they can party!.. they came from luxurious families who brought them up to be like that..so what?...

My point is, we live life the way we want to..so as others..we criticize and praise others and so are they...so why bother about the lifestyle of others if we have our own life to mind?

LIVE AND LET LIVE/

memory traces

in our life, it is not uncommon to experience ambivalence towards others and just stick to one person with all your heart and mind. you know the feeling of satisfaction and glee even though your not committed to each other? (btw, your an ex couple, but still act like one after 6 months since the breakup). it is weird i know, but we are just humans..we fall and hold on...we realize and move on..but as psychologists says, experiences makes memory traces in our brain, thus, we dont forget conmpletely.

university statue speak for themselves

i saw this photo of the oblation statue with the banner that says "OUSTGMA" in it...

i just wonder how the lasallian brothers would react if every statue of St. La Salle would wear the same banner..hehe

a tribute to forever

It was two years ago (4 semesters and 2 summers) when 10 utterly different souls were destined to form the "BITCHES". It was summer of 2006, after the passing the the torturous qualifying exam and overcoming anatomy and microbiology when these people were grouped by the infamous BARLIS for their history of nursing, unknowingly, they were to spend the rest of their college life together. They barely knew each other, coming from different sections and group of friends, they never realize that these people would be the accomplices of their happiness and sorrow. Their junior year came and they discovered the hard truth, they would form an RLE group. At first like all other newborn group, chaos took place, unfriendliness was the denominator and bonding is not known. They always talk about each other at the back of that person, from getting pooped in their fabella duty to the mmdst taking in the community. More duties came and still, the bonding is not seen. Until their 1400 duty with FOJAS that they realized that they are gonna be the bitches. The bridge served as their ground for brain damaging soapie for beginners and stage for their hidden singing talents. Their theme song that time was i foprgot what it is, but its tony gonzaga's song, and all their might they reach the high notes. From then on, the bithes bonded for countless requirements and sleepless afternoons. They danced after a night of drinking, enjoyed the exclusivity of their dorm sessions and teased after getting drunk. They branded each other with codenames such as elephants and bitches, each having a distinct quality that portrays their codename. Fighting and bitching is nothing but normal, i think they are still adjusting, but in the end, they proved each other worng. They can be a good and a foreverlasting group. They can shine and would shine. All of them are cam whores. The photos taken are their memories of each other. One of their accomplishments is producing a simple movie, "The physician in spite of himself". The schedule was tough, times were counted and energies are weak, they managed to aced the short skit. More bonding times came...they went to the beach...discovered secrets...and prayed to their patron, OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE. It is common for them to pray to the lady when they need something, from getting thgeir professors' karma, to simple things to getting their duty cancelled, they all prayed to her. They fought and bitched each other but before the day ends, it is resolved. They love to sing and dance, they had videos and photos in action. Vanity is the group's favorite. They all have there own share of vanity and gossips..One of them left for the states, they missed here but life has to o one so they just spend the nostalgic times talking about her.

The relationship that was formed is utterly long lasting. They may not see each other that often ike beofre and would not see each other as often like before, they know in each others hearts and minds that the BITCHES would always be the BITCHES and even though they leave lasalle, their roots would be the foundation of their deep friendship. xoxo love elephant

stuckups ASCEND-ing

who said good boys don't flirt??
drink up ladies and gentleman!

smile!

pre party looks...who said these girls aren't hot nurses?

only thorn among the luscious roses.

club ascend.

saturday night after your finals week of your last semester of college is to die for!

went to ascend with the stuckups...too bad not all of us where there..but anyway, the party has to be enjoyed...had fun..total fun...love yah stuckies!

trapped in the past

a glimpse of the historic past of san lazaro walls and the vibrant and lively present generation.

grey's anatomy LA SALLE VERSION

this pose is never planned.but we always wear those face masks...we always hang out at the triage area whenever we are not busy..our professor saw us in this formation and laughed and took our picture...

nostalgia..

i miss the weekends where we watch a movie...sleep together....eat together...cuddle and talk....

i miss the sleepless night where we talk until we fall asleep...

i miss everything,...

moving on

there are times in our life where we have to step into the next step of the ladder...live the present and treat the past as our teacher...go on with our lives and be a better person..thank that once in our lives we lived that moment...thus, it is moving on..

i am writing this to let go of my bitternes. we all know that it is inevitbale but with our maturity and realization we will get over it. breath deeply...in and out...imagine all those negativities going away..

im not bitter..not anymore..im grateful things happen to me..im grateful i knew people..but i with this comes risks of regret and anticipations of happines..either way, we must be thankful.

code blue

in a relationship, there would come a time where one or both of you would need some space, because your too familiar with each other, always there like 24/7 and so on, you tend to get used to and be fed up with the presence of each other..and saving your relationship would be the action to be done. in the hospital setting, we call this CODE BLUE or cardio respiratory arrest, wherein the medical team do all they can to cave the life of the patient. in love, one of the partners would save it and the other would be the patient. intubation would be vital just like talking abuot this and that. the openness to each other gives airway and breathing to the dying rel. it enables them to release and talk about their concerns. the epinephrines are the efforts that you put to revive the dying heart. it is the extra sweetness despite the coldness. it is the indifference despite reality. it is the understanding despite pain. it is love despite death. simultaneously, the external compression that we put to circulate blood all over the body, it is the reality that bites us every step we take, we all know that external compression is dangerous, it could fracture the sternum, bruise the chest and might give a mind blowing chest pain after. the efforts that we make, the steps that we take and all the things that we do could be just a pain that we save unknowingly. saving a relationship is code blue. code blue might save the life of the patient but is still unsure of its outcome.

often, we wish we could just sign the dnr form and let us die. but life doesnt end with one love. we knew people. we might fall inlove again. but CODE BLUE would always be there no matter what.

recall

i couldnt remember the last time i spent christmas dinner and christmas day with my dad. he's in china and as we all know they don't have christian holidays there so holidays like ours isn't a big deal like their chinese new year. so here i am, turning 20 on the 4th of january and couldnt recall a christmas moment with my dad. i know it's work. but sometimes i feel regretful when i realize that i couldn't think of a christmas holiday that i'm with him personally. it is not that he doesnt go home, he does, but not on christmas, often when school's over so he could spent time with us. i wish that before i finally mature (i'd be graduating this march and hopefully get a job afterwards) i would have a memorable christmas dinner and day with him. i remember years ago that my mom and my sisters would pose for a picture with a poster that says "merry christmas daddy, we love you"...it's the time when cellphones and emails arent as popular as now..i know he misses us and would love to spend this night and tomorrow with us..i know that he wanted us to remember a christmas moment with him..i know someday we will..i miss you dad.

history

sometimes we fall inlove to someone whos not sure...

we give everything we can..show our feelings to the fullest, make them feel that they are the best person in the world and yet we feel uncontented to what they are showing us. i know it's not right to expect when you give but when your philosophy about the universe is yin and yang and fairness, you end up shattered and haunted by the ghost of yesterday (your past experiences)..history can repeat itself....

cold remedy

inspired by reva's post in multiply...

last week, we travelled aguinaldo hway, coastal road, roxas blvd and way to sta cruz to fabella hospital for our 10-6 PICU duty. i never anticipated that i would be having my duty in the wee hours of the night when everyone is playing in lala-land. armed with 2 shots of sachet coffee in my starbs tumbler and lots of kwentos with the bitches, we enjoyed and glazed at the magnificent lights along the road. who said night travel is bad?! it is in fact the best travel time i did. i was so amazed with the balls in different colors hanging in mid air, feeling sentimental and nostalgic especially this season. i missed those days. 3 nights of it would really have you searching for it after. this is change. a change in the umc routine. a change in environment.

cold remedy

last week, we travelled aguinaldo hway, coastal road, roxas blvd and way to sta cruz to fabella hospital for our 10-6 PICU duty. i never anticipated that i would be having my duty in the wee hours of the night when everyone is playing in lala-land. armed with 2 shots of sachet coffee in my starbs tumbler and lots of kwentos with the bitches, we enjoyed and glazed at the magnificent lights along the road. who said night travel is bad?! it is in fact the best travel time i did. i was so amazed with the balls in different colors hanging in mid air, feeling sentimental and nostalgic especially this season. i missed those days. 3 nights of it would really have you searching for it after. this is change. a change in the umc routine. a change in environment.

im sickly..

I was tagged by joyjoy!

Here are the rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.(ayaw ko i follow ito)hehehe
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you've done it!

4th of january....Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

The Twelve Months

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.